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@Linguist_CIOL JUNE/JULY The Linguist 27 SECTION HEADER OPINION & COMMENT RITA ROSENBACK As a family language coach, some of the questions I hear most frequently from parents revolve around motivation. My son refuses to answer me in my language, what should I do? My daughter prefers to speak the school language, how can I convince her to use our home language? The scenarios vary from toddlers who are yet to express themselves in an additional language to older children who have been using a home language fluently but now prefer to use the school language. These are common challenges in multilingual families across the world. To overcome any challenge, we first must understand it. When it comes to small children it often boils down to the amount of language input. Contrary to popular belief, children are not sponges when it comes to languages. They need enough exposure in a language – through frequent, meaningful interaction – to learn to understand it and express themselves in it. While consistency in parental language use is often touted as the be-all and end-all for raising a bilingual child, this is only partly true. If there is enough exposure to both (or all) languages, the parents can be more relaxed about their language choices. Consistency becomes more important when the amount of input in a language decreases, for example when the only parent who speaks it returns to work and has less 1-to-1 time with the child; or when the child is immersed in the community's majority language at school. My recommendation is to find out the underlying reason for the reluctance by gently asking the child for permission to discuss the topic. I would avoid direct 'why?' questions, as these can easily become accusatory, especially if there have already been disagreements. The reasons can be anything from not knowing the words, no longer being used to speaking the language or being afraid of making mistakes, to the feeling that it takes too much effort or that they simply don't want to. Listen and try to understand. Resist the temptation to offer an instant solution, but instead ask your child to suggest one. Discuss how you could work together. Don't forget to share your own feelings about the language, how important it is to you and how proud you are to speak it. As parents we should do our best to prevent the child's language choices from becoming a battleground. We may feel disappointed, or even hurt, that a child does not seem to want to use the language we feel close to, but we should not let these feelings rule the discussion. Children are pragmatic and will do what works best for them. When they realise they can choose their language, they often pick their strongest one. It is up to us to create a motivational environment to keep the home languages going. For children to speak a language, they should want and need to do so. Both 'want' and 'need' motivators occur naturally, but parents can create or enhance them. Each child is different – there is no one-size-fits-all solution – so how can you find the right way to motivate your child? The trick is to put yourself in their position and carefully listen to their views. Such discussions can be held as soon as children understand the concept of different languages and can express their wishes – this can be as early as three or four years of age. Experiencing positive feelings, such as enjoyment, sense of achievement and pride, are typical 'want' motivators. To help pinpoint what works best for your child, think of their interests and favourite hobbies/activities; what makes them laugh or feel happy, proud and accomplished; what might they like to learn about. Then incorporate the language into these activities, for example by playing boardgames, cooking together or going to the seaside while speaking your language. 'Need' motivators usually stem from the environment, such as speaking with monolingual relatives or being understood when visiting a place where the language is spoken. Attending a summer camp in the language and visits 'back home' can be real language boosters, but even a solid habit of speaking the language with a parent can act as an effective motivator. Family language coach Rita Rosenback is author of Bringing Up a Bilingual Child. For more tips, visit her website: multilingualparenting.com. TL How can you keep children motivated to use the home language? En famille © SHUTTERSTOCK