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@Linguist_CIOL OCTOBER/NOVEMBER The Linguist 23 FEATURES This excerpt of 'L'Albatros' (1861-68) provides a good illustration of some of the primary constraints a translator may aspire to honour. The most obvious formal aspects of Baudelaire's original poem include the A, B, A, B rhyming pattern; regular (sounded) syllable count (11, 10, 11, 10); and number of stresses per line (4). My close translation (above) may serve as an analytic benchmark for the more poetic translations examined below. It does not honour any of the primary constraints, but it requires few modifications to do so: Often, for amusement, the men of the ship Catch albatrosses, great birds of the breeze, Who follow, lazy companions of the trip, Behind the boat over the briny seas. Even in this simple exercise, I have chosen to replace the more accurate 'men of the crew' with 'men of the ship' in an attempt to accommodate the rhyming pattern. It is a matter of interpretation as to whether it is more important to match the rhyming pattern than to translate the individual words as accurately as possible. Other changes were made in the service of the rhyming pattern, syllable count and number of stresses per line. In his translation, C F MacIntyre chooses to neglect the rhyming pattern and compromise the syllable count. He does, however, (arguably) honour the stress count per line: Sometimes, sailors to amuse themselves, catch albatrosses, great birds of the sea, which as companions follow indolently the vessel gliding over bitter gulfs. Interestingly, he does not appear to have made these choices for the benefit of linguistic accuracy. One notices a change in the first word, with souvent ('often') replaced by 'sometimes', possibly for reasons of alliteration. Other linguistic changes are perhaps less obvious; replacing the adjective 'indolent' with the adverb 'indolently' is a clear indication that his is an interpretative translation. R Campbell's version places more emphasis on the primary constraints, although he has done so in a manner clearly indicative of an interpretative approach: Sometimes, for sport the men of loafing crews, Snare the great albatrosses of the deep, The indolent companions of their cruise, As through the bitter vastitudes they sweep. In this case, the poet-translator honours the rhyming pattern but is less concerned with the number of stresses per line, with line one containing five stresses. One of the more interesting formal aspects of this version is that it has a regular syllable count at ten syllables per line. Although this is not the original pattern, one imagines that the interpretative thought might have been something along the lines of: 'one of the primary constraints of this poem is that it has a regular syllable count, so my version will also have a regular syllable count'. Secondary constraints There are also secondary constraints, which translators must take into consideration. These include things such as the use of dialect, language register(s), the probable level of familiarity of the intended readership with the imagery and cultural contextual factors, the degree of freedom expressed in the exploitation of poetic licence, and any other linguistic considerations that have a bearing on the literal meaning. 4 Atmosphere and mood might also be considered secondary constraints, as might any linguistic or educational prerequisites necessary to comprehend the poem in all its facets. From this brief, and by no means exhaustive, list of the non-formal aspects of a poem, it is evident that such L'Albatros by Charles Baudelaire Souvent, pour s'amuser, les hommes d'équipage Prennent des albatros, vastes oiseaux des mers, Qui suivent, indolents compagnons de voyage, Le navire glissant sur les gouffres amers. Often, to amuse themselves, the men of the crew Catch albatrosses, great birds of the seas, Who follow, indolent companions of the voyage, The boat, gliding on the bitter abyss. IN DIALECT Robert Burns (below) painted by Alexander Nasmyth (1787); and his translator, August Corrodi (bottom), probably painted by Andreas Müller (1850). Corrodi translated several of Burns' poems, written in the Lallands dialect, into High German and Swiss German © SHUTTERSTOCK